My Peace Cost Too Much

I offer you a piece of my journey.

I don't ask for permission.

I don't shrink.

I don't explain.

I won't apologize.

I came to speak life over the woman I chose to become.

A story written in hard goodbyes.

This is for every version of me that had to die, so the woman I am could live.

I bled for it.

I fought for it.

And I won.

My peace cost too much

to drag my ego around like a rusted chain.

I had to bury the titles...

the daughter, the savior, the strong one, the silent one,

the version of me they loved,

only because she fit inside their small trembling hands.

My peace cost too much

to stay stitched inside the stories, others wrote for me.

I had to shred the skin of "should,"

had to walk away from "be polite,"

had to tear myself free from "make them comfortable,"

and rebuild a soul that fit not mold but my own.

My peace cost too much

to stay loyal to who I used to be.

I kissed her forehead..

I thanked her for surviving...

but I could not carry her into my becoming.

She was built for war...

I am built for the garden.

She needed armor...

I need open skies.

My peace cost too much

to let old hands pull me back into old rooms.

I built boundaries like sacred walls,

I planted "No" like a thousand year oak.

I honored my silence like a prayer.

Not every door deserves to be opened,

not every call deserves an answer.

My peace cost too much

and I am too faithful to the woman I am becoming,

to the softness I have fought for,

to the rivers I have cried myself clean in.

I will not trade my sanctuary for someone's storm.

My peace cost too much

and it will not be returned,

it will not be exchanged,

it will not be watered down to make anyone else comfortable.

I am here.

I am whole.

I am mine.

My. Peace. Cost. Too. Much.

and I am paid in full.